Penny For My Thoughts

I feel ashamed. I feel saddened. I feel angry. I feel lost and alone. I am confused and betrayed and hurt. I am not perfect, nor will i ever be. I don't always judge people, but I always feel judged. I feel all these things even more lately, most of which is my own doing. My mind is an overly busy and easily distracted place. I focus on stuff that I like most of the time and ignore r move past negative instances that do not concern me. If there is one major flaw to my character it is that I feel like I am more important than I really am. The world does not revolve around me.

Those last words could be used as a major defense this week too. It has come to my attention that there is a movement on social media and the internet this week called "fat shaming". It was reported started by a blog site that is for "masculine men" and is being used as an excuse to make hateful and hurtful comments and observations about those of bigger size. I am probably safe in thinking that bigger women are feeling the brunt of this attack. For this I am ashamed to be part of a generation of males that feels this okay behavior.

Am I guilty of making fat jokes and inappropriate comments about others based on size, ethnicity and social life? Absolutely. Have I ever gone out of my way to do it as a point of hurting someones feelings? No. have i probably hurt peoples feelings without realizing it? More than likely. Will I do it again? More than likely. Do i find joy in it? Not really. I am sure there are some comments and "jokes" within this movement that I would snicker or laugh at. You have to sometimes just out of absurdity. I like to think of myself as very open minded and welcoming. I am also a strong supporter of the BBW, plus sized, fat community. 

I hate when people just go after the size and physical appearance of someone they don't know just to get a laugh. I am sure there are times this is warranted. I have never been in a fight in my life, either verbal or physical, with a stranger. I can understand that when things get heated between two people that is the easiest way to go. It makes a point and makes it clear. Yelling "You dumb fat asshole" really makes it clear, you don't like the other person. To go after someone for size alone for no reason is just sad.

I am not a small guy. Lately I have been fighting with some pain and depression of my own and been turning to food as I am wont to do. Comfort foods are far too common in my house and it sucks. Do i need to work on that? Absolutely. Have I been getting criticism about it? No. However I cannot help but feel like I am being judged and looked at funny when out in public. Do i like frozen pizza too much? Yes. is that the reason for my belly starting to get soft and jiggling around a bit too much. Yeah. Sometimes it just takes a little time for people to realize their faults and work on them.

These people doing the fat shaming are awful. I cannot imagine being in a group or around such people and feeling good about it afterwards. I don't expect everyone to get along. It is never like that in the world. It has never been like that. For most of my early years I was the target for ridicule and name calling because of my size growing up. I got called fat and told i needed a bra a few times. It hurt and i usually lashed out in anger when these things happened. I have since learned to control that, punching walls enough times helped that. I also learned to surround myself with friendly supportive people. Almost 7 years now I attended my first BBW dance and after going a few times I began to really feel comfortable there. Even there though, discrimination and hate and anger are present so there is no way to get rid of it. People are animals and will respond to others as they see fit. I also know that the world is not like it was when growing up. It took me nearly 23 years to find people that I really feel comfortable with and can relax and be myself with. That's a long ass time. I feel bad that there may be a whole generation that wont find that. Things are getting lame out there.

The term "pussification of America" is used a lot lately too. Most of the time I agree with it. Taking games and activities away from kids to make it more inclusive for everyone is not the way to go. I understand that being bullied and made fun of can also have positive outcomes as well. This "fat shaming" is the extreme of that. I understand it, I guess, I couldn't read too many of the quotes cause it just made me sad. 

I thought I could stay on target with this but like all rants I go on it tends to ramble a bit and get muddied in meaning. There are only say many ways to say that i don't agree with what this group is doing. I am pretty sure that I got that point across. I am a man and I do not feel the way these men do. The terms "fat" and "ugly" are all subjective. Highly subjective. There are many women out there that I would not be attracted to whether they were skinny or fat. I get the "Hey, how bout her?" question when out with people all the time every time there is a girl with extra weight on her. Most of the time it is a yes. However, just because she is a bigger woman does not make her attractive. The same goes for these guys that are out there shaming. What if every fat women and chubby girl were to lose weight and become your ideal woman? Would that automatically make her attractive to you? What about the flip side to that? She could lose the weight, still be gorgeous and turn you don. Would you just go with the ugly insult then? I cannot begin to guess cause their ignorance in their comments has already made me turn them off.

The internet has turned us all far too negative. I try to read comments and posts about subjects that I like, but they all turn to hating on them and it turns me off. You cannot please everyone I know that, but man there are some bad apples out there. It get s dark so fast. If there are enough people out there to make this fat shaming a trending topic on twitter that is sad. It just sucks that most of those that are targeted will not be able to speak up or have the courage too cause the haters just pile one. I wish there were something more I could do to help with the positive side of it than just write up this rambling mess. I don't take sides often. i stay out of trouble as best I can. On this matter I cannot be quiet though.

So here on my little spot on this giant mess we call the internet I am here to say that I am adiopositive and a supporter of those being hurt and hated upon. I am sorry for any pain you are having over this and wish you all the best. 

To the haters and those spreading anger and hurtful messages, say whatever you want, do whatever you want but expect people to change because of it. The word does not revolve around you and not everyone you meet or see in life is here to please you. 

Also, Fuck You.